A Miser, to his Mistress

Excerpts from a (Dramatised) Monologue

“Ah me, ah me, a pretty pass to be in! Oh, to be sure, to be sure, a pretty pretty pass to be in! All the world’s a stage and we misers but sidekicks on it…

What else? Don’t, and be maligned. Steel your heart and loosen the strings, and still be maligned! Ah me, ah me! What to do, where to go?

Go? Ah yes, go…that’s what I’m here for, am I not? Go, yes. But why? A surprise? Oh, a pox on it, a pox on these plaugy surprises when you know you won’t be welcome! Still, the heart’s a heart and welcome or not it will have its due. Oh well…go, for all you’re worth go…

But how?

Hmm…a pretty pretty pass to be sure! Oh, to be sure, to be sure! This or that? Hark! What’s that? Oh no, that’ll not do. Goes the wrong way and would only mean more. Hmm…should I? But that’d be 10 whole rupees– more likely than not 15. What’s the time? Hmm…she said it’d start at 9 and she has another one later. I suppose I do have time. Don’t quite need to be rash. Yes, that’s the word, rash. No need to be rash.

Ah! Here it is! Hmm…this will be just fine. Just fine. A fiver from here and then 15 from the depot, window seat all along. Nice and convenient. Just the way it should be. Hmm…

Oh dear, it’s so slow. The dratted idiots steer like the wind in the morning! Why doesn’t he push the paddle! Oh dear, oh dear…it’s been fifteen minutes already and we aren’t even out on the road. Heaven bless me! It’ll take at least an hour from the depot to there and by this rate it’d take at least half an hour to the depot itself! Dear, dear…that’ll be an hour and a half at least! What if…what if she leaves?

Oh heavens, yes, what if she leaves! What if it’s all done and over with and she goes back before I’m there? No, no, all of it can’t be over so soon. It’s bound to take some time, all that meeting and policy making and deciding and lord knows what! She can’t be over with it so soon!

But not exactly soon, is it? An hour and a half…good heavens, and here’s the road already! Oh, decide, decide! Getting down would be 5 till the station and lord knows how many after– about 20 I suppose! Total of 25. Hmm…and just 20 here. 5 bucks, 5 whole rupees. Not to forget the 5 wasted if I do. 10 bucks then. 10 rupees. Measure for measure, a pound of love, cut in the heart! 10 bucks? 10 bucks! 10 bucks?”

And he got down.