30 January 2011

How to get a Bus Pass made without losing your sanity

6 Easy Steps for the General Public

Step 1:
Believe in Fate. Fate, not fate. Pray to the dread goddess before venturing forth. Believe, too, in Murphy, the Son Immaculate of the All-Knowing Mother. Hail Fate, Hail Murphy – Hail the Laws!

Step 2:
Hope for the assistance of assistants. Paan khaaye affcar humare. Hope the affcar is in office, hope the Principal is in office, hope the office is still the office…hope!

Step 3:
Be prepared. Be alert. Be ready to sacrifice. Give up, let go, and march on to glory and verification!

Step 4:
Seasons in the Sun? Rotting in the Sun. Carry the longest tome you have or upload the most time consuming playlist onto your khilona. You will have moved seven spaces up and five spaces back by evening.

Step 5:
Be smart. Think smart. Get going to another centre. Feel happy about yourself; trust Fate – and so see your plans ruined. Murphy stands inviolate!

Step 6:
Pour the Goddess libations. Promise her well. Promise yourself too – prove Murphy bastard. Go again, arise, go! Fate rewards the persistent, ultimately damns her Son. Be thou the Spirit, be victorious! Hum honge kamyaab, hum ho gaye kamyaab. Now, celebrate: look down upon the losers late as you cruise past them on a DTC.

On Communalism